Sunday, October 3, 2010

We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Program To Bring You A Potty Bulletin...

I had intended for this next post to be about our new geothermal HVAC system. It is long past due, and I know all three of you out there in Reader Land have been anxiously awaiting details about the new system. All in good time, dear reader. We must interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you a Potty Bulletin.

It was a normal Friday. I came home after work and decided to do something about the two cups of coffee I'd drunk at work that afternoon. The most convenient place to "do something" is the small half bath just off the landing that leads downstairs, so I stopped there before heading upstairs to change into some grubbies. After I "did something", I flushed the commode only to see the bowl fill to the top with water. "Strange", I thought. After all, we're talking liquid only here, folks.

Now, my wife and I have been complaining about this commode since we moved into the house. It is WAY underpowered, if you know what I mean. After all, it's one of those water-saver type potties. I won't go into my usual tirade about water-saver toilets, but if you are interested in a particularly hilarious commentary on how they are tested, check out this column from Dave Barry. I clipped this very article from the newspaper several years ago and still keep it handy. I almost have it memorized, much like the Preamble of the Constitution: http://www.jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/bathroom_no_two.html

Now where was I? Ah yes, the fateful flush last Friday afternoon. When the bowl filled with water, I reached for the plunger. (We keep it handy since this wimpy potty often needs a little boost.) Plunge, plunge, plunge. No change in conditions. Plunge, plunge, plunge. Still no significant progress, but now I could hear a faint splashing sound on the basement floor below. Hmm. This was not good. Not good at all.

When I got down to the basement, I could see that the water was coming from a joint in the waste line just below the floor of the bathroom above. This could mean only one thing -- the waste line was plugged all the way from the commode down to where it joined the main waste stack. We're talking 22 feet of 4-inch waste line, filled with all sorts of unpleasantness. Egad.

This waste line had been added back sometime in the 1970's, as best we understand from the family that sold us the house. We're talking REAL 100% American waste line -- the heavy black cast-iron type with lead-packed joints. Ladies and gentlemen, I offer "Exhibit A" for your viewing pleasure.

After breaking a hole in the line (note the bucket cleverly positioned beneath the hole for purposes of catching "the contents"), I drained several buckets of, well, you know. This is not a task for the faint of heart. The intensity of the aroma was impressive, to say the least. I rigged up several fans to keep the air moving through and out of the basement. My wife was delighted by the whole ordeal, as you might have guessed.

There are many more details of the removal process that I am sure you would be pleased to know, but for the sake of time, I'll keep this little story moving along.

After removing all the old cast-iron line, I headed to Home Depot to get all the stuff to install a new line. A couple of hours and a hundred-and-something dollars later, I had everything I needed to get started. Thank heavens for the simplicity of PVC. I can't imagine how long it must have taken to install the old cast-iron line with all its lead-sealed joints. After a few evenings of work, I had a new bright white waste line installed, complete with the prescribed 1/4-inch drop per lineal foot of pipe. We're on our way to clog-free living, people!

It took several attempts to get the potty re-installed, for a variety of reasons. It felt a bit like repeatedly doing a plumbing scene on This Old House. "Potty Install Scene, Take 17....... lights, camera, ACTION!". After a couple more trips to the local Ace Hardware store, I was able to achieve a victorious and leak-free flush.

Although I've yet to put the toilet to "the test", it seems to be flushing much more robustly than before. There is happiness in our home again.

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